Short Thought continued.....

My Backpack

 

I like to go on long walks, walks that take me out all day, especially along coastal paths or up mountains.

When I walk I never travel light, I carry lots in the backpack on my back… ‘just in case’!

 

For many years I have had to drag around another kind of ‘backpack’

one which had become heavy with the weight of depression.

I did not choose to fill it so.

 

At first, I carefully disguised the contents so that no-one would recognise what was in there;

I was embarrassed and ashamed.

 

When it was difficult, I pulled harder and kept going although my pace slowed;

I became bent over, trudging along, struggling with my load, exhausted,

both from the dragging and the disguising,

but I kept on going.

At times I wanted to give up, 

but I refused as that would have meant admitting to my depression.

 

I fought to lose the backpack, but had no success.

I prayed for it to be removed, but there was silence.

 

With the help of a Christian Counsellor, I came to realise that to gain my worth I had been ‘doing’: 

I had been striving and placing too much significance on what I thought other people’s opinions of me were.

 

Through counselling and listening to God’s voice,

 I learnt that my worth came from ‘being’ the person my Heavenly Father created me to be. 

 

Through this change of perspective I came to realise that I could fill my backpack

with ‘choice items’ which would better equip and help me to walk through life:

 

the knowledge that my faithful Father who cares for me walked with me through the

journey of depression, He understood me and I came to depend on Him more;

 

that God is at work, in His way, continuing to shape me into the person He wants me to be;

 

that God promises to never give us more than we can endure;

 

and an understanding of how I can walk alongside others, trusting that God

will use me to support and encourage them in their journey of depression.

 

With these ‘choice items’ in my backpack it is much easier to carry,

I can walk with my head up high and enjoy my journey once more.

 

“So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

(Isaiah 40:10 NIV)

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