Short Thought continued.....

Fearing  

 

“Arise, my love, my beautiful companion, and run with me to the higher place.”  

(Song of Songs 2:13 The Passions Translation)  

 

I have been wrestling with God through a time of expansion, a time where  

He is pushing back the edges of my world and inviting me to fill new boundaries.    

They feel uncomfortable and I am resisting the new,    

not out of rebellion but out of overwhelm and doubt:   

What if I’m listening to the wrong voice?  

What if I don’t have what it takes?  

What if my worst fears are realised... Who am I then?  Who am I now ...?   

 

At one level, I know that this is the point:    

God is inviting me way, way out of my comfort zone,    

inviting me to stretch more than He’s ever asked me to before.  

 

You see, we’ve been in this situation before, God and I.   

Previously, I have always been able to envisage   

something of what the future might look like.   

A shadow of an outline...  

 A sense of what might be ahead...  

This time I have no such vision...  

 

In my mind’s eye, I see:  

an expanse of water, stretching east to west   

with the horizon ahead and endless, endless sea;  

I see: the cosmos, beautiful, swirling stars and galaxies   

above  and beyond this world   

with  only a whisper of the Presence of His Love.  

 

This is the place of the void.  

 

The void calls for total trust in the goodness of God because your eyes cannot see,  

and  your mind cannot conceive what God has in store.  

The void calls for letting go of all expectations of how life will work and

truly trust God to create the new.  

What my heart most fears is letting go and leaping into the void.

 

The words of a contemporary Christian song resonate in my head:  

“I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open: nothing I hold onto.”  

 (‘Nothing I hold onto’, Will Reagan and United Pursuit)  

  

I want so much to do as God is asking.

Yet I am fearing the leap of faith into the void and what that means.

I speak to Him:   

“I know that my Lover is mine, and I have everything in you, for we delight in each other. 

But until the day springs to life and the shifting shadows of fear disappear, turn around,

my Lover, and ascend to the holy mountains of separation without me. ... 

I’ll come away another time.”  

(Song of Songs 2:16-17 The Passions Translation) 

 

What void is Jesus asking you to leap into? 

What are you fearing? 

What are you trusting? 

 

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